![feminine straight men and masculine gay men feminine straight men and masculine gay men](https://static.attn.com/sites/default/files/_DAP8191.jpg)
![feminine straight men and masculine gay men feminine straight men and masculine gay men](https://i1.wp.com/www.towleroad.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/18023_1001182509925960_8679865237745249333_n1.jpg)
Gay celebrities like Matt Bomer, Zachary Quinto and Colton Haynes are often heralded in lists of “gay men you’d never know were gay”, while inane articles on gay websites that roundup the best celebrity butts rarely ever include gay men. Things aren’t much better in the media either. Besides the obvious ‘Gay 4 Pay’ and strange obsession with turning straight men, spoiler alert: the majority of actors are masculine men who are muscular, dominant and aggressive, while their twink (a young, skinny and feminine gay) counterparts are often stupid, whiny and nearly always submissive. A quick flick through my explore page on Instagram shows groups of carbon-copy muscular, hairy, tattooed groups of often scantily clad men out in da club or partying on Fire Island. I am not completely shielded from it even when off hookup apps like Grindr. There have been multiple occasions where I have been told that I was “more gay in person” than I appeared on the app. But the effect of constantly being fed the message that femme equals bad is hard to ignore. “Who knew shaking my ass to “Poker Face” at G-A-Y made me an embarrassment to homosexuals everywhere?”Īfter years of reading Grindr profiles with slogans like “masc4masc” and “no fats, no femmes, no Asians” – the other two statements are a whole other discussion in themselves – I decided to not use apps like them, to benefit my own mental health and self-esteem. And while you may be thinking ‘boo hoo it's all just because nobody wants to sleep with you’ these conversations are dangerous. Even now, I find myself trying (and failing) to butch myself up when surrounded by extended family members, or straight men I am unfamiliar with. For years I was so ashamed of my own feminine qualities, that when on dates I would say very little or speak quietly because I was worried my voice would give me away. That being the unspoken word replacing ‘camp’ or ‘feminine’. Growing up, my own mother – in an attempt to protect me – would often say “don't act/walk/talk like that”. Who knew shaking my ass to “Poker Face” at G-A-Y made me an embarrassment to homosexuals everywhere?Īll jokes aside, from my own personal encounters of internalised homophobia, this sadly doesn’t come as much of a shock to me.
![feminine straight men and masculine gay men feminine straight men and masculine gay men](http://i2.cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/120805022736-gay-culture-queer-eye-horizontal-large-gallery.jpg)
It’s a troubling pattern that goes hand-in-hand with the group of gays who would prefer to be called androphiles, because they don’t like “traditionally gay” things like Lady Gaga.
![feminine straight men and masculine gay men feminine straight men and masculine gay men](https://s-i.huffpost.com/gen/2562426/images/o-GAY-YOUTUBE-facebook.jpg)
If that wasn’t bad enough, 41 per cent then went on to say that they believed effeminate men gave the gay community a bad image. Out of the 5000 gay men surveyed, a staggering 71 per cent said that they had been actively turned off by a prospective partner because they had shown signs of femininity. However, an unsettling new survey – conducted by Attitude for its Masculinity Issue – suggests that this isn’t the case. That isn’t to say that I don’t still get the odd slur like “faggot” yelled at me every now and then, but for the most part I am surrounded by people who accept me as I am. As a 24-year-old gay man I’d like to think that the most difficult days in finding acceptance are behind me.